Joe Is The Ultimate Hustler

Daddy Dearest’s newest horror show: Grinning like the dead-eyed zombie Michael Jackson portrayed in “Thriller, smirking shyster Joe Jackson - who shocked America with his child-abusive plan to push grandkids Prince Michael, Paris, and Blanket onstage as the so-called Jackson 3 - touched off a furious family battle with his latest ghoulish scheme: reuniting The Jackson 5 with Jermaine, Jackie, Marlon, and Tito backing their dead superstar bro’ on unissued vocals discovered in his vault.

Said a horrified source close to the family: “Unlike Natalie Cole’s ‘Unforgettable’ duet with deceased dad Nat King Cole, a labor of love, Joe’s spooky scheme is to resurrect meal-ticket Michael and enslave him forever as what he never, ever wanted to be in life - a dumbass oldies act!” The King of Pop’s money-grubbing brothers are - surprise, surprise! - 100% behind Puppet Master Pop, but enraged sisters Janet and La Toya vow they’ll fight the old man’s tacky exploitation of Michael’s memory tooth and nail.